Desperate

I'm reading this book. This incredible life giving book. I highly, highly, highly recommend it.  If I had tons of money I'd buy a copy for every mom I know. Seriously. I underlined so much in the last chapter I read that I decided to type up a big chunk of it.  I have a terribly horrible memory, but typing things seems to make it stick.  Then I thought, well it's typed, why not share it?  Which I'm not entirely certain is allowed but I'm citing the reference so hopefully it is (and if you don't tell, I won't either!)  I just loved it so much and it spoke straight to my journey as a mother that I NEED to share it with you.  From Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe, by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson.  Read this. Then go buy it.

Excerpt from Chapter 13 "The Art of Life"


God lives in my home, but sometimes I ignore Him and don’t hear the music He is playing just for me. This journey of mother-hood is a challenging marathon of moments, hours, days, months, years and decades. And yet, in each moment, God has sprinkled across our paths beauty, love and joy. We have only to cultivate eyes in our hearts to observe this Artist’s work of life. Whether it be a baby patting his mama’s chest as he gurgles milk, or a toddler giggling and screaming in fear at the sight of a frog; a little girl pretending to be a princess all dressed up in pink, or a little boy who spilled the milk one more time and longs for the gentle voice of grace from his mom; even a hormonal, reactionary teenager growing up and straining toward adult life; all of these moments and passages have the mystery and grace of God in them, just waiting to be unpackaged as evidence of His love.

Our shoulders often falter under a constant weight of performance and duty. We get caught up in the hectic cycle of endless tasks and often end up finding our lives to be a barren wasteland of burdens. We ask half-heartedly for a sip of His grace, never fully expecting Him to listen and answer. Yet Jesus wants us to come for a bottomless lake of his mercy, joy, fun, love, forgiveness, power, beauty, adventure and freedom. He desires to give us eyes to see every moment from His perspective, looking out with a view over all of eternity --- and seeing the stark difference between what really matters and what will soon pass.

Over the years, God has taught me to celebrate the infinite possibilities of what each day might hold. Choosing to look for the very fingerprints of God in every part of my world, as evidence of His love, has become a central life goal.  However, living a life of joy and contentment and imitating Him in our homes requires a willing ness to see our lives through the lens of God’s eternal perspective. He is wild, way beyond our control, and more interesting than we can imagine with our limited minds; but far too often we live in the mundane and don’t see the miracle of the moment because the eyes of our hearts have become blind to His reality. 

To me, one of the beautiful graces of a strong woman is the ability to see the true value of her own life and the lives of her children and to celebrate them every day, as Jesus did.  It was Jesus Himself who gave the example of treasuring children; He took time out of His busy day to hold them, to tousle their hair, to bless them.

Choosing to Be Thankful and Practice Being Content

To move from feelings of desperation to delight requires that the eyes of your heart and the attitude that you express be ones that exemplify God’s own heart and attitudes. We must come to accept and agree with scripture that “children are a gift of the Lord,” and that “the fruit of the womb is a reward” (Psalm 127:3). We must fit our heart to agree with God’s heart.

If every morning you look at your child as a gift from God, a blessing that He has bestowed today, and thank Him for that blessing, you will approach your children with love, patience, and grace. You have to bow your knee and say “God, you really are good and you knew exactly what you were doing when you gave me this child.” Your heart will not feel contentment and joy until it is aligned with the voice of God’s Holy Spirit within you. You will develop strength and fortitude in the attitudes you choose to practice and exercise. If you develop muscles of praise and thanksgiving, you will come to find increasing strength and stamina in those very practices. 

As a result, true joy, coming from God’s spirit, will bubble up in your soul. You will begin to see that your children are developing their own attitudes of gratefulness. Those around you will be blessed by being with you. A dedication to strengthening yourself in God’s Spirit will reap an exponential reward both in your live and the lives of those around you.

Put Away Distractions That Steal Your Joy

Television, cell phones, Facebook, blogs, social networks, and media of every kind are prevalent and prolific in our lives. We are so accustomed to such things that we hardly even know anymore how to enjoy the natural and “unplugged” moments in our lives, spending time in nature or treasuring experiences with loved ones. The modern person no longer walks into such interactions with a peaceful sense of contentment in the moment, but rather a frenetic restlessness, constantly wondering if, while gone from technology for a few moments, someone has left a comment, e-mail, tweet or Facebook message --- all distant and impersonal interactions.

The truth is that Jesus made us to be intimate with our family and friends. Only in personal and close interaction can relationships satisfy the deep longings that all of us have to be known and deeply loved.  If we cannot find a way to substitute an addictive, virtual faux reality for the opportunity to build intimacy and shared joy in the lives of our children, we will never pass on to them the concept that God is loving, present, intimate, and responsive. I often see women who have become so used to the substandard life that they cannot see that they have become empty, shallow, and impatient with a real live human beings right in their midst, who are longing for love but are also so ready to give back generously. 

Make a Commitment in Your Heart

Experiencing the deep fulfillment of being cherished is one of the best rewards of my life. Investing in love has paid off dividends far beyond what I could have initially imagined in my relationship with my children. They are my delight and best friends.

Yet this process developed by faith, and over an extended period of time. I had to behave as though I loved and cherished my children even when the feelings were weak or hidden, learning to be patient and really listen to them when I was exhausted was a commitment I had made long before finding myself in such situations. I had resolved beforehand to focus on saying words of life and encouragement when I really wanted time alone; to use a gentle and respectful tone when I was tempted to express anger. It was out of the belief that these commitments mattered to God that I made them. The core of this concept is that feelings will follow obedience. The more I practiced love, joy, peace, patience and all the other fruits of the Spirit, the more I found myself loving such attributes in the depths of my heart. It was as though God gave me these children, so that I could grow up and become all that He had designed me to be.

Children see through the lack of integrity of a mom as they grow older. If a mom is not living out her words of love by giving love, her children will learn to not believe her words. It is so vitally important that we live with integrity by choosing to worship God in front of our children through all the moments of our days. Celebrating God and all His attributes as well as his blessings creates a winsome energy that fuels a child’s own desire to follow hard after God. When a mom practices seeing the miracles and joy of God’s own making in all the moments of her day, a child will hunger after the same heart attitude.

See what I mean?  BUY IT!

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Repeating Peace

Stomach flu.  Say those two words within 5 feet of me and you might get...well, you definitely won't get hugged.   Preschooling A had it a few weekends ago, in her bed, in our bed and at the dinner table. Yes, while we were eating.  So odd for July. But obviously the virus didn't look at the calendar before invading my baby.

Being the  awesome mom that I am, I freaked out about A throwing up while sleeping and choking and us not know until morning.  So I slept in her bed with her.  For two nights.

Mistake.

She then, once well, decided she couldn't go to bed without me.  "I want mommy."  That's all she'd say, then proceed to scream and run out of her room the minute we laid her down.  I tried putting one of those door handle thingys on, the kind only adults can operate, and apparently A is an adult.  She got that piece of cheap plastic off faster than I could even figure out how to put it back on. 

It quickly escalated in ridiculousness.

Get back in bed.  No. Pick child up lay her down.  Child stands up in bed and refuses to lay down. Mommy walks out and closes door. Child opens door and runs down the hallway. Mommy screams. Child cries. Mommy gets Daddy.  Daddy lays child down in her bed.  Child stands up, hollers "I want mommy." Daddy threatens. Child really cries. Daddy gets Mommy. Repeat.

Sounds fantastic, huh?

My own mama used to say something to me.  To all her children really.  Every time we got out of the car to go to school.  Or left the house for ball practice. And especially when we got behind the wheel at 16.  From as early as I can remember, which is really only back to like 8th grade because I have an awful memory, which also may be due to the same mama praying my memory away (which she admits to doing), but none the less I remember these words.

"May the Lord bless you and keep you, may his face shine upon you."

It was her mantra.  Ingrained on our hearts and in our souls.  So much so that my sister has even passed it on to her kids. I'm sure even at ages 8 and 5 they could quote the line to you.

What I didn't know then, but know now is that line, is scripture.  Found in Numbers.

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace."  Numbers 6:24-26

Thanks to my mama's prayer, I have been blessed.  Even in rough, scary, horrible times He has kept me. Safe. Loved. Under His wing.  And even now I see, no I feel, his face shining upon me.

But the last part of that verse, the part that mama left out, probably because we would have stopped listening after the first fifteen words anyway, but that part about peace. We're missing that.  As a family unit, most days, peace eludes us.  

And it makes me sad.

We try.  We really do.  We wake up kind and patient and loving.  But preschooling A argues one too many times and tells me no over the most mundane asks and peace refuses to hang around.  What's with that?

A year ago or so, Husband R and I took a family mentoring class together.  Our homework in that class, inspired by the book What is a Family by Edith Schaffer (which is not the easiest book to read), was to write a family mission statement.  This was before A knew how to talk back or to even really question anything.  But interestingly enough, even back then, on the top of both our lists, the mission for our family, was the word PEACE.


Even before we knew what was ahead, we knew we wanted our home to be calm. Quiet. A place of refreshment.  And to this date, it's not.  Most days it's loud because A is trying to get my attention.  And it's stressful because I'm putting A in time out for not listening.  And it's exhausting because it's the same thing over and over and over and over again.

Solution?  I went shopping.  

 And bought this for my wall.  My mother gave me the first half.  But I'm making the second half my prayer.

May the Lord give our family peace.

And because shopping alone will never be enough, because "without the word of God as my daily bread, I would honestly be buried in a pit so deep that I wouldn't recognize daylight," (Beth Moore) I also found and wrote down this verse.

"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that times of refreshing may come from the Lord." Acts 3:19

Its what I want.  It's our family mission.  Peace. Times of refreshing. 

Look, no one is perfect.  And if you "hold out for perfect, you'll end up holding nothing." - Ann Voskamp

So when I get angry at A for not listening. Because she won't. And when I scream. Because I will. 
I can repent.  And try again.  

Repeat.

Only because of the grace of God.

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