We're...not....having a baby! (Gotcha)
No it's not that. But we are moving. To Georgia, I can't yet admit Atlanta, so I say the Atlanta area. But we will, in the near future, be living closer to hotlanta than to the queen city. Sigh......
You can imagine when husband first told me the news.
"Hey, guess what, I got promoted! And we're moving. To Atlanta."
Tears.
Lots of tears.
It wasn't fair to him. He has worked so hard for this and devotes himself fully to providing so that I can stay home and raise toddling A. And not only stay at home, but have nice things too. But in the moment the reaction was sadness.
Then anger.
I recently read in Soul Detox by Craig Groeschel that there are two ways to express anger. You're either a "spewer" or a "stewer." And man do I spew. Groeschel says "a spewer has a short fuse and a hot temper. If you’re a spewer, when you get angry, everyone around you knows it."
Yea, I spewed. And spewed. And spewed some more. Proverbs 14:17 says "A quick-tempered person does foolish things."
And I did some really
I kept playing the same reel over and over. I've lived here six years. I got married here. We bought our first house here. We became members of our first church and husband was saved here. Our first child was born here. I've found the best families I've ever worked for here. I have a wonderfully gigantic network of people who'd I'd do anything for and they'd do anything for me, here, right here, not in Atlanta. For pete's sake. WHY would you take me away from this God???
Twice now, in two separate books (coincidence? I think not) I've read about how we tend to focus on the why of things instead of the who.
"Sooner or later we all encounter situations that leave us baffled. Whether a single event or a series of circumstances that assault us with shock and awe, we’re left with the unanswerable questions of why? Why me? Why now? Why again? When we ask such questions to the exclusion of all else, we can miss opportunities to encounter God in our midst. Yet the invitation to awaken the wonder all around us remains: even in the affliction, even in the loss, even in the pain, God’s presence remains." -Margaret Feinberg, Wonderstruck
Feinberg goes on to say "Laying hold of such wonder requires us to shift our question from why to who: (emphasis mine) Who will walk with me? Who is the source of light in my darkness? Who always proves faithful? As we begin asking these questions, our focus shifts from downward to upward, from inward to outward... In the most opaque circumstances of life, even when he feels a million miles away, the knowledge of the presence of God allows us to laugh when everything else says we should be crying."
My very wise husband said to me not long ago, "This is going to be good for us." But I couldn't understand that.
Until now.
We're being given the opportunity to sell our house and walk away owing the bank nothing. In this market, who can say that? We're selling our car and losing a car payment, and that car's gas and insurance costs. We'll be able to arrive in GA very close to debt free. What a blessing. What a God thing.
I'm not saying this is easy. Nor am I saying that I'm 100% okay with this change. What I am saying is that instead of crying I'm allowing myself to laugh. Instead of looking downward I'm looking up.
And I know exactly Who is looking back.
