Fully loved - no.matter.what

'Sup?  We just spent an ENTIRE day at the zoo and the aquarium.  It's what I wanted for my birthday present this year.  Because one, I'm a nerd and b it seemed like the perfect day.  That is until you're toddler has a meltdown at 9am and is scared of the dolphin show and says at every single exhibit "I wanna see something else!"  Remind me next year to ask for a pedicure and massage.

Writing to you with my trusty straw-ber-rita at my side (which is all my brother's fault, after all he is a rep for Anheuser-Busch and with each sip I pay a little of his salary...right) seems like the perfect way to unwind.



So here I am.

Brand new.

We don't get to be brand new very often in our lives, some more than others, but new is how I label myself these days.  I'm new to a state, a town, a community, a job, a church, a preschool, a doctor's office and all the other things that come a long with moving.  I'm even new to Publix.

Exciting and little bit hair raising all in one go.

I've conquered a lot in the past month to negate my newness, minus actually changing my license plate and registering my car which my insurance company calls daily about.  I'll get around to that before well, I'll get around to it. I promise.

But besides all that, you know what's been the hardest to overcome?

Friends.

Finding them.

I've met women. And I've met mamas. But friends?  They're proving to be a little more elusive.

I recently read an article, passed along to me, ironically, by a good friend, that discusses why women need friends.  You can read it here.

You see, not only is spending time with good friends scientific...whoop whoop for oxytocin!

Spending time with other women is spiritual.  And just like if I slack on any other aspect of my spiritual life, I feel I live with a void.

A void so obvious that when another girlfriend from NC spontaneously visited me, I had to choke back tears as we stood hugging in my driveway.  Just that short hour of a visit, talking about nothing and talking about everything filled my fellowship tank for days.  You can read her blog here and fill up your own tank.  It's worth it. Trust me.

So, if friendship is THAT important for us women, why are friends so hard to find?  Doesn't make much sense to me. Shouldn't all us women, and especially all us Christian women, be reaching out and over and in and out again to other women? 

I've been in contact with two mom groups recently.  One I found online through a meetup website and the other I found through a local church.  My first experience with the online group was a mom's night in.  I had a blast.  The other mom's were friendly and welcoming and funny, good grief were they funny.  I'm not sure I'll make a best friend there but I will definitely be getting together with them again.

My next experience was with the church mamas. I had been in contact by email with the group organizer and was incredibly excited to meet these women.  I had tons of fun with the online group but was ready to get involved with a faith based group.  Now, granted, we met up at a kids museum/play place, which we all know can be chaotic and not necessarily the best place for getting to know people, but I was astounded. When I walked up to the group in the parking lot, no one spoke to me, that is until I was introduced by the organizer.  I chalked this up to the fact we met in the parking lot and maybe they thought I was standing in the wrong place.  Plus, I didn't speak to them either...touche.  But surprisingly, once inside, any connections made were initiated by me. These women are kind, I'm sure, they're great mom's, absolutely no doubt, and once I spoke to as many as I could, they were friendly and even welcoming.  And I will give it another chance because I truly believe they meant no harm.  But what if I had a different, quieter personality?  I would have been ignored. 

Why is it that the group with no church/religious or even spiritual affiliation was more friendly and welcoming?  My mom said to me a few days ago, "people in a bar are more welcoming than people in a church."

Ouch.

That.is.heart.breaking.

And moms, women, ladies, that won't change unless we change it.

WE HAVE TO CHANGE.

If you're a believer, and you belong to any sort of group, whether affiliated with your church or not, recognize this issue.  No. Don't recognize it.  Tackle it.  Solve it.

End it.

I have this theory. I believe it's true for moms but I'd go as far to say it's true for most women.  We're scared. Scared of being criticized.  Scared of being judged.  Worried we just won't measure up. So we don't reach outward, we hunker inward. I read these words from Beth Moore recently, “We will never be secure until we realize we are fully loved by God, no matter our failings.”

Read it again. This time with my emphasis

“We will never be secure until we realize we are fully loved by God, no matter our failings.” 

So what if your kid had a donut for breakfast.  At least he ate.

So what if you were on your cell phone for most of your child's field trip.  At least you showed up.




You've kept the kids alive.  That's nothing to sneeze at.

This is what I'm saying.  God loves you, fully, no matter your failings. And that's all that matters.  What are you afraid of?

Talk to the new person. She needs you to.  And you might find out, you need her too.



p.s. I must tell you, in actuality, I have met someone. A friend. She's in fact a neighbor to my realtor. And she reached out to me. When I had no clue who she was. She has two beautiful children and an even more beautiful spirit. And I heart her. And if she's reading this, "Hi friend, I'm thankful for you. And know, you're welcome to drink a strawberita with me anytime!"

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Nomads no more

Hello there lovees! I can finally breathe again.  For a little while I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest and my brain at the same time.

 

I considered it a success if I opened my eyes in the morning and remembered where I was. 

Remember the house I posted a picture of in my last ramblings? ( We didn't buy it. Not one teeny tiny inch of it.  Not even the poop colored counter tops.  It didn't appraise.  Not just the counter tops, but the whole house.  Came in 30k less than our offer. 

Alas, we were homeless. AGAIN.

We gave up looking for a house to buy and decided to build our own.  We bought some land, we contracted a builder.  We were told August was to be the completion date.  So now what?  If I can still count correctly that's 5 months we gotta find a roof over our heads.

After calling every rental listing from craigslist to your momma's house, we finally found a townhouse willing to rent to us short term doberman owning tenants.  We were to move in the first week of April.  And with that we packed our bags and headed to NC for Easter.  That was March 25th.

On March 26th, the very next day, my realtor calls.  "So hey, you know the house you walked through, in the neighborhood you're building in, the one you saw as an example of what you're building?  Yea well the guy who was under contract on that house, his financing fell through, today. You wanna buy it?  You can close April 25th."

Ummm...hold on...let me call my husband...I don't even remember what that house looked like...we can buy it for the same amount we were going to build for? Are you speaking English?

Yea so long story short we did just that.  We bought the house Charles (I got some of his mail, so we're on a first name basis now) built but could not buy.  I'm considering putting a "This is the house that Charles built" sign above our front door.  Classy?  I think so.

After our Easter week in NC Husband R and doberman Bo Bo headed back to the lake house to wait out the time before closing and Toddling A and I adventured across the east coast, from NC to VA to WV to MD and all the way back to GA again.  We were gone for just shy of 30 days.  Hence the trouble remembering where I was when I woke up.  You try sleeping in the same bed with a toddler for a month.  You'd be lost too.

So all that I wrote about being thankful and seeing God's hand in this process?  It's still true.  If not even more true than before.  It kind of feels like we kept grabbing these homes and God kept slapping our hands away.  We finally got  our fingers around one, we were holding on tight, and God took it away for the 4th time.  I was frustrated, sure.  Confused? Absolutely.

But there was and is beauty from ashes.  This beauty to be exact.  We just had to find it, or should I say it had to find us.

So we're in.  No longer homeless. 

Unpacking.... now that's a whole 'nother story.

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