Today, I just don't want to.

Ever had those days or weeks where things are just fuzzy, flat out pea soup fog?  One thing runs into another and your not sure how you even peeled open your eyelids this morning, which feel like 9 days ago?  Things are so off today I even took a pregnancy test, yes, even though I'm pretty sure that's impossible, but having ruled everything else out, it's the last standing explanation I could drum up to explain my odd sense of well of I don't know what.  And no, that's not the reason.  At least there's one thing I can be sure about.

I don't want to work. I don't want to parent. I don't want to cook. I don't want to budget. I don't want to pretend like I have a grip on things. I don't want to even really write this blog.  I just don't want to.

So what is it?  Really, I'm asking you.  This isn't rhetorical.

I've prayed. I've prayed a lot.

And then I read other blogs about horrible things that have happened to people and I think, "get over it, get over yourself."  But then I get mad.  Just because I haven't had life changing events take place doesn't mean I can't feel jumbled up. Bumbled up.  Whatever.

I resort to my inspirational pod-casts and read things that make me laugh.  I open my Bible (which I'm on a read the bible chronologically in a year plan) and of course today's reading happens to be in Exodus on laws about slaves and oxen and restitution.  While I know all of God's word is important, that didn't clear the haze, not one bit.

You know what, and I'm thinking out loud here, it's okay I feel like this.  God's grace is sufficient.  And I can feel "off" for a bit if I need to.  He understands. Today I just don't want to, tomorrow maybe I will.