Fully loved - no.matter.what

'Sup?  We just spent an ENTIRE day at the zoo and the aquarium.  It's what I wanted for my birthday present this year.  Because one, I'm a nerd and b it seemed like the perfect day.  That is until you're toddler has a meltdown at 9am and is scared of the dolphin show and says at every single exhibit "I wanna see something else!"  Remind me next year to ask for a pedicure and massage.

Writing to you with my trusty straw-ber-rita at my side (which is all my brother's fault, after all he is a rep for Anheuser-Busch and with each sip I pay a little of his salary...right) seems like the perfect way to unwind.



So here I am.

Brand new.

We don't get to be brand new very often in our lives, some more than others, but new is how I label myself these days.  I'm new to a state, a town, a community, a job, a church, a preschool, a doctor's office and all the other things that come a long with moving.  I'm even new to Publix.

Exciting and little bit hair raising all in one go.

I've conquered a lot in the past month to negate my newness, minus actually changing my license plate and registering my car which my insurance company calls daily about.  I'll get around to that before well, I'll get around to it. I promise.

But besides all that, you know what's been the hardest to overcome?

Friends.

Finding them.

I've met women. And I've met mamas. But friends?  They're proving to be a little more elusive.

I recently read an article, passed along to me, ironically, by a good friend, that discusses why women need friends.  You can read it here.

You see, not only is spending time with good friends scientific...whoop whoop for oxytocin!

Spending time with other women is spiritual.  And just like if I slack on any other aspect of my spiritual life, I feel I live with a void.

A void so obvious that when another girlfriend from NC spontaneously visited me, I had to choke back tears as we stood hugging in my driveway.  Just that short hour of a visit, talking about nothing and talking about everything filled my fellowship tank for days.  You can read her blog here and fill up your own tank.  It's worth it. Trust me.

So, if friendship is THAT important for us women, why are friends so hard to find?  Doesn't make much sense to me. Shouldn't all us women, and especially all us Christian women, be reaching out and over and in and out again to other women? 

I've been in contact with two mom groups recently.  One I found online through a meetup website and the other I found through a local church.  My first experience with the online group was a mom's night in.  I had a blast.  The other mom's were friendly and welcoming and funny, good grief were they funny.  I'm not sure I'll make a best friend there but I will definitely be getting together with them again.

My next experience was with the church mamas. I had been in contact by email with the group organizer and was incredibly excited to meet these women.  I had tons of fun with the online group but was ready to get involved with a faith based group.  Now, granted, we met up at a kids museum/play place, which we all know can be chaotic and not necessarily the best place for getting to know people, but I was astounded. When I walked up to the group in the parking lot, no one spoke to me, that is until I was introduced by the organizer.  I chalked this up to the fact we met in the parking lot and maybe they thought I was standing in the wrong place.  Plus, I didn't speak to them either...touche.  But surprisingly, once inside, any connections made were initiated by me. These women are kind, I'm sure, they're great mom's, absolutely no doubt, and once I spoke to as many as I could, they were friendly and even welcoming.  And I will give it another chance because I truly believe they meant no harm.  But what if I had a different, quieter personality?  I would have been ignored. 

Why is it that the group with no church/religious or even spiritual affiliation was more friendly and welcoming?  My mom said to me a few days ago, "people in a bar are more welcoming than people in a church."

Ouch.

That.is.heart.breaking.

And moms, women, ladies, that won't change unless we change it.

WE HAVE TO CHANGE.

If you're a believer, and you belong to any sort of group, whether affiliated with your church or not, recognize this issue.  No. Don't recognize it.  Tackle it.  Solve it.

End it.

I have this theory. I believe it's true for moms but I'd go as far to say it's true for most women.  We're scared. Scared of being criticized.  Scared of being judged.  Worried we just won't measure up. So we don't reach outward, we hunker inward. I read these words from Beth Moore recently, “We will never be secure until we realize we are fully loved by God, no matter our failings.”

Read it again. This time with my emphasis

“We will never be secure until we realize we are fully loved by God, no matter our failings.” 

So what if your kid had a donut for breakfast.  At least he ate.

So what if you were on your cell phone for most of your child's field trip.  At least you showed up.




You've kept the kids alive.  That's nothing to sneeze at.

This is what I'm saying.  God loves you, fully, no matter your failings. And that's all that matters.  What are you afraid of?

Talk to the new person. She needs you to.  And you might find out, you need her too.



p.s. I must tell you, in actuality, I have met someone. A friend. She's in fact a neighbor to my realtor. And she reached out to me. When I had no clue who she was. She has two beautiful children and an even more beautiful spirit. And I heart her. And if she's reading this, "Hi friend, I'm thankful for you. And know, you're welcome to drink a strawberita with me anytime!"