Finding beauty is what makes it worth it - My Messy Beautiful

My three year old, alone, is enough beautiful mess for an entire lifetime of this mama.

The dressing herself, the constant whining, the can I have a snack question every 76 seconds.

Exhausting.  But, gosh, she's beautiful. And messy.

In my 29, never 30 years, I've had a truck load of messy things happen to me. And a boat load of beautiful.

There are stories of death and divorce and sick kids and cancer and overcoming and miracles and joy through the pain. 

And honestly, when I heard about this project and thought about telling my messy beautiful, lots of those stories came to mind.  I've been through some stuff and thankfully back. 

I could tell you about my parents divorcing after 25 years and the miles of suffering and lies I sorted through. And the miles more of healing and closeness that resulted.

Or about the time I had cancer. And the doctors and the surgeries. And the screaming and crying and asking why. And the healthy road to recovery and amazing changes I've made.

But chances are, you've been there or somewhere similar.

It happens. It's life and it's messy. 

Finding beauty is what makes it worth it.  But finding the beautiful is also the most difficult thing to do, a hard place to come to, especially when you're in the midst of the darkness.

The thing is, I know where beauty can be found. By everyone, anywhere, always, forever, without fail.

In the ultimate story of messy beautiful, the only one that actually counts.

There was this baby born to change the world.  But in order to change anything at all he would have to die.  It doesn't get much messier.  Knowing your entire life's purpose is to die. 

Hanging on a cross, beaten and bloodied and naked and stabbed.  Why? Why endure so much pain and anguish?

Because you're worth it.  It's called love.  He did it to save you.

And if you believe that and believe him, you'll carry on forever.

And I know, I know I may not be following the rules. I get that this is too "faithy" for some. I'm aware that by writing this way, I sacrifice my chance to be "known"

All that stuff, it's messy.  But I'm okay with it.

Because just one of you getting this...that's beautiful.

Here's the glorious part.  We don't have to wait til we have it all together...because we never ever will. We get to take our divorces and our sickness and our pain and lay it at his feet.  He gets to take it and not erase it, but use it and grow us and change us for good.

We are the messy, but He is our beautiful.

So #carryonwarrior knowing your not alone.  That you have a savior who knows your messy and loves you all the way to beautiful again.